Titanic, to this day, amazes me. It won best picture despite having some of the worst lines of dialogue imaginable ("take me...to the stars, Jack"). They chose a female lead who was great, but lets be honest, wasn't the least bit attractive. This is fairly ordinary, but the most famous scene in the movie (don't deny it) is pictured below:
BUT the thing that amazes me the most about it is the mere fact that it has stayed relevant. Here are the facts: its a historical period piece that is a slow three hours, and heavily features Billy Zane. In today's world of shrunken attention spans, I can't see anyone actually sitting down and watching this movie, let alone the type of little nerdnogs who watch ABC Family. The thing takes four and half hours for god's sake. Let me explain how long four and a half hours is.
When the movie came on tonight I was leaving the friendly confines to head home for a few day's break. Me and my upright bass were going to Penn Station to hop an Amtrak train for Kingston. When I got out of the apartment the torrents of rain forced to hail a cab. This took forever because I had to wait for a an open SUV cab (almost as rare as Mewtwo). Once inside cab I quickly realized I had one of those hateful cab drivers that claimed the traffic was bad but really just wanted to spike the fare by taking THE STUPIDEST MOST INDIRECT ROUTE POSSIBLE. This, mixed with actual bad traffic meant that it was 40 minutes before I got to Penn. Once inside, I tried to get my ticket at one of the do-it-yourself kiosks. When the machine couldn't read my credit card, I got in line for an antiquated, human-manned ticket counter. After ten minutes in line, the human at the counter told me that I would have to buy a second ticket to take my bass on the train. Needless to say, this made me think in capital letters. But the human was a nice one and told me to speak with a manager because, "maybe he could do something for you". I went over to the customer service desk actually thinking that this manager might help me out. What I forgot was that I was about to speak to a useless middle manager who works for a useless, price gouging company who, despite being a government organization, clearly hates freedom. He told me that I had to buy another ticket because there was nowhere to put my bass besides the seat next to me. I said, "sir, there is no way an upright bass would fit in a train seat. The ceiling is far too low". This was his argument: "if a heavy set man can fit in a seat, a bass can". The condescending way he said this to me caused me to not only think in capital letters, but speak in them. "THATS BECAUSE THEY CAN BEND THEIR LEGS. BASSES DON'T HAVE LEGS" I said to him. Long story short, I got nowhere with him and I bitterly set off for the subway. After two subway rides which took about 20 minutes each, I arrived at 3rd ave. and 14th st. Now here's why Titanic is so freaking long (Ha! You thought this run on paragraph was also completely aimless!): When I finally got back up the stairs of 155 2nd ave, after my enraging, rain soaked misadventure, the freaking boat hadn't even begun to sink yet. Jack and Kate hadn't even fooled around in the old-timey car! Even as I continue this never ending paragraph, the movie isn't over. How is a kid of 11 supposed to pay any attention to this movie. The thing came on like three VHS tapes when it first came out. What the....how?
Anyway, the movie is long and I hate Amtrak. Oh, and Billy Zane once wore this:
Damn Pat, harsh words for Kate Winslet.
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